Days 8 & 9

My eighth day of isolation was yesterday. The whole day went by just fine, everything seemed to be looking up despite being short of breath each time I had to get up.


The embroidery project I was working on was halfway done by 4:30, & the book I was reading has gotten more interesting as the sun set. 


At nine o'clock in the evening, however, things took a dark turn. My nose got clogged and I felt a bit sick. The school nurse monitoring me daily advised me to steam, which I did, and it helped me breathe better, and made my skin dewy. A tablet of Benadryl lulled me to sleep. 


Here's a pic of my breakfast for day 8:

That's oatmeal champorado made with Davao tablea.


Anyway, today is my 9th day of isolation. Woke up feeling much better,  but realized that I still suffer from shortness of breath after a little bit of movement. My boyfriend insists it is because I've been lacking exercise these past few months, but as the owner of my body, this feels different.


I read online that shortness of breath is one of covid's after-effects. Such may linger for an indefinite amount of time, but I found no explanation for it. I am just thankful that I did not need to be hospitalized, and I had rhe means to isolate myself. 


Tomorrow is my last day of quarantine and, per the nurse, I can go back to work if I feel well enough to do so. On Monday I plan to get tested, for my own peace of mind. 


Negative thoughts never felt so positive.


Bye-bye, covid, I hope. My fingers remain crossed.

Days 6 & 7

Wasn't able to post for two days because my brain's been acting up forever.

Several weeks ago I bought this sack dress off a nearby ukay-ukay for 30 pesos. 

Sure, it has some holes and dirt, but since I'm only using it for my new project, it doesn't matter. It is even large enough to sew a new sleeveless blouse.

This is what I am working on now:

It's a pattern off the DMC website, but I'm making some changes. 

I learned to sew and embroider in elementary but I didn't really put that skill to use except in emergency cases (torn shorts, blouses, etc). Then, last year, I thought of turning it into a hobby since I can be pretty good with my hands when I realllly want to. So, I bought a cheap kit on Shopee and that kit remained stashed in my closet for half a year until a few days ago.

Anyway, I've been feeling better these past few days and am hoping to test negative soon. I am going to miss staying at home all the time, isolated from everyone, but the road also ends for things that are good. 

Here is my breakfast for today:

And yesterday:

All shall be well, dear nonexistent reader. The sun will keep shining and setting.

You are loved.

Day 5, the old maid's tale

It is only a title, there is no actual tale from this old maid. 

I've resumed reading The Handmaid's Tale & the story is just getting more interesting to me. Hopefully I get to finish it before my quarantine ends, as I binge Cobra Kai on the side. 

Had pork-tomato soup for lunch and dinner (with store-bought kimchi). Also tried Korean honey-citron for the first time. While taste is not an issue, I prefer the good old salabat.

Today's pulse ox data:

The school nurse advised me to practice deep breathing to expand my lungs. Tasting & smelling abilities are back on track as well, about 90%, and my coughing is less. My cough is more productive than my self, tho. 🤷‍♀️

Tomorrow is going to be soooo much better. I am optimistic like that.

Day 4

Things are a bit better today, but I still have the virus. Being in isolation feels familiar and I have to say I missed it. 

But.... I miss my dog, and my family (no pic for privacy!).

I miss my boyfriend, who is in the other room isolating as well.

Here is what I ate for lunch on day 4:

Aside from Berocca, vitamin c with zinc tablets twice a day, lots of water, and fruits, drugs are not a huge part of my journey to the other side of covid.

Until tomorrow, nonexistent reader. I hope you remain thankful. You are loved.

Day 3 Covid

Oh look at that, it's the full moon. 

My third day today. Dry day. Feverish, no fever. Coughing the whole day. Tomorrow is going to be better.

Here are my day 3 selfies

Day 2 of Covid positivity

Tired, but thankful that my symptoms are mild because I have to be strong to look after myself. 

I live with my boyfriend, but for some reason he couldn't PROACTIVELY clean the bathroom, sweep, mop and disinfect the floors, and really take care of me being the sick person I am at the moment. This stresses me out more. Gotta depend on me.

I am a covid-positive puddle of stress today. 

     Here is a selfie of me trying to work on a script earlier this afternoon. Yes, I work hard for the money.

Gotta go cry myself to bed now, while my boyfriend sleeps in the next room--he said he's coming down with a cold.

Hang on, self. Tomorrow's going to be better. 

I got hit by c--id's arrow :(

This morning I learned I'm covid positive. I'm still hoping it was a false positive (will find out tomorrow or the day after). 

At first it felt like an arrow hit me, but 16 hours into it I feel like the frog who didn't know it was being cooked alive. Or something like that.

I'm feeling 20-22

So... I got myself a mountain bike last Dec. 30 and tried it out for the first time on Jan 3. It was exhilarating to say the least. I love my folding bike to bits, but this new bike makes me wish I'd gotten it sooner!

Just realized I have no photo of it yet. It's a pretty decent bike on the lower end of the spectrum, with a frame that's a tad big for me and parts from L's old bike's parts, but I've come to like it. Gets the job done. 

Meanwhile, everything else is the same. I have no resolutions--never really believed in them, no concrete plans except that I've decided to quit my office job this year. I'm going back to writing full time. 

I'm proud of my career as an ADR scriptwriter and I love it. 

Kuya Dino

One of my cousins passed on yesterday. The news is only starting to sink in, but I think 51 is such a young age to die.

He will be missed, no doubt about that, and will always be loved. May he be at peace.

Today's musing

Certain things are better nipped in the bud. 

No, not my resurrecting mint plant.

For one more day

I wonder if I will make it until September because at this moment only the thought of my life ending gives me peace. And I need peace. So much peace.

I am tired, overwhelmed, confused, frustrated, and sorry. Overall miserable.

But death is expensive and my resources are scarce.

Give me strength to hold on for one more day.

Here is me trying so hard to hold on, in my part-time make-believe refuge.

Feeling anxious today

Is it the coffee?

So anxious I want to vomit. I don't know why. I just want to go home and curl up in my bed and not do anything for a week straight. Or a month. Or a year. But of course I cannot afford that.

Maybe after I get my pending deliverables done, I will feel better. Gahd, the stress. The stress is getting too much to bear. 

Photo of the swamp I have to walk through every day. Thank goodness for my mother's boots. 

Feeling sabog, but actually sober. 

Knowing that all of this is going to end someday brings me some peace. I am wishing for more. 

Having two jobs is tiring

I have been getting steady writing projects for the longest time and though I am thankful, I feel that I am always tired. I have not enough time left for myself and other things that matter because my office job still stands. The office job has been a regular source of extra income, but I do not feel fulfilled each time I go to the my workstation and have to do what I do. My colleagues are great, nobody bullies me, but I am not happy. Hopefully I get to push through another year and get to save as much as I could. After that, I must decide whether to stay or go. Nobody's getting any younger and a person's physical self can only do so much.

Most days I feel hopeless

I had a short streak of productivity and positivity late last week, but, last night, things went back to normal. Bleak normal. 

Let me tell you what I feel & think of on a normal day, which is on most days. I wish I had enough money so I can afford to die. The thought of death and what comes after, if there ever is anything after, gives me peace: all this misery will end. When I die, I will never be anxious or tired of being anxious anymore. When I die, people around me will have a better life: my mom won't have to clean up after me anymore; my sister will have a better sibling to look up to--my brother; my brother might hate me less for ruining his life (I read it in one of his notebooks several years ago); my boyfriend can find someone better than me--probably pursue the girl/s he still feels for (I read in his notebook that he still feels pagnanasa over other girls even when he already has me so what does that tell ya). 

When I die, I can finally stop being embarrassed of all the cringey life decisions I've made. I won't have to struggle to live through each day anymore. I am tired. I am father. Effing. Tired. 

Too bad I can't afford to die. It's costly and stressful for those I'll leave behind. Right now, the only things making me feel like life is still worth living is my dog, Octavio, and my scripting job. And the thought of my mom blaming herself if I end up dying by taking my own life. 

See, this is why I can never be a writer. 

That's all for today, I guess. I can't wait to sleep

Madaling araw grind

It's 3:28 and I am at work. I have been a freelance ADR scriptwriter since 2012 and I think it is the best job I have ever had. I want to keep doing this until I'm old and gray, and a lifetime is not enough to thank Claude D., a colleague in PDC, for getting me into this industry. 

In the picture is my snack, four toasted mini-mamons soaked in Swiss Miss chocolate drink. It's sweet AF. 

Oooohkay, back to scripting now. Later, nonexistent reader! 

Remember, you are loved. ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

Tiring day

Started my day with a walk under cloudy skies. Went to the market to buy suman, kutsinta, pet food, sili & talong seedlings, and other small stuff. It was peaceful. I like that I am with someone who loves me (and whom I love), but I missed having time alone. Maybe because I was used to being by myself for so long. 

When I got home, I prepared brealfast, did some office work, repotted my newly-bought seedlings, repurposed a couple of 5-gallon containers for my balcony garden, and fixed some things. This afternoon I plan to do some laundry, work on crafts, and get started my script, which is due tomorrow. Good luck with that. 

I hope I get the inspiration to run tomorrow. 

Last night's pink moon gazing

1016a - Last night I spent a short while to gaze at the full moon. Acoording to Google this month's is a Pink Moon, named after a flowering plant. The weather was nice, but there were mosquitoes so I couldn't stay long. I wish I did, though. What's a little sacrifice? 

The moon, when I took a photo of it, appeared blurry. Blurry is the theme of my life. 

Anyway, I have been having second thoughts about something lately. Do I let this drag on, or do I rip the band-aid now? People will get hurt either way. 

Maybe when I die I will finally get the peace I have been chasing all along.

Afternoon Sessions 1

The Covid-19 situation in the Philippines has gotten worse since last I wrote. Other countries have managed it way better. Meanwhile, I still have my jobs. I am thankful, but mostly exhausted. 

This afternoon, I am cleaning out some old books to sell at a bargain. I hope they all get sold. I need funds. 

Here is a picture of my dog, Octavio, keeping me company.

The Covid19 situation is slowly getting the best of me

 ...and I feel helpless. 

My life is generally neither pitiful nor worse than others' but I feel tired, battered, drained and without hope. I feel like my 2017 cloud is descending on me again, fogging everything in sight. This is not the kind of fog I like or want. I would not wish it on anyone. 

Meanwhile, I usually tell myself I'm surprised I even got this far, but it's not actually surprising given the state of my bank accounts. 

It is easy to say "I accept," but, as it is, it is hard to do. 

I was reading my old journal entries and it turns out that on December 4, 2009 I wrote "Someday, everyone I love will seem like strange passers by."

On the other hand, there is hope. There is faith. And there is love. 

Dear Self, tomorrow will be better. 

Dear nonexistent reader, you are loved.

Listening to this song.

COVID-19 COMMUNITY QUARANTINE SERIES - Part 1

This is the first of CCQS-related entries. As we all may have heard/read, most of the Philippines is now in a state of calamity due to the effects of the new coronavirus disease 2019 (covid-19) that started to spread in January 2020. It's been a week since our community quarantine started and things have only gotten worse since then. In the coming days until the quarantine gets lifted, I will post some highlights and random musings from my days locked up at home. I don't feel too comfortable posting on Facebook or Instagram so I'm posting everything here, where I feel freer. For that, thank you, Blogger.

I am cramming a script right now--thankful that I'm still getting one or two scripts a month from 20Plus--so I might post something after I submit it to the very patient & ever-reliable Dubbing Supervisor, Dain.

Dear reader, wherever you are, whoever you are, what ever you may be going through at this time, thank you for stumbling into my blog. Please know that I pray for you & wish you all the goodness you deserve.

You are loved.