RT

Random blah.

Oh, the need to hold & be held by a fellow human. This, this is what I do not like about being single AND living in a far away town in a province WITH my mom and sister. Had I chosen to stay in the city, I probably wouldn't be this "thirsty," if you know what I mean, because random (or not random) people would be easier to reach and I'd be a bit more free to do things I want. Eh, dito, naku, wit. Nada. Nil. I thank the Lord and the Universe for occasional eye candies here and there, tho, but that's about it.

Now this is going to be TMI, but it has been almost three years since...if you know what I mean. And the last one was with someone I would rather forget, erase from my life altogether if possible.

Anyway, I have been running/exercising of late. It feels good. I can see and feel my body's improvement since I started jogging (for fun & occasional necessity) last year. Aside from feeling more refreshed & active, I have less thoughts of wanting my life to end (NOT ending my life, mind you). Yes, I'm the same lonely, solitary recluse I've always been, only a bit more hopeful about life in general. It feels good to be alive. I need to keep this up, I think.

There are still times I feel like crying for petty (and not petty) reasons, but I'm less sad now than I have been last year and the year before that, and the year before that.

I'm hearing mass later. I also have to cram two scripts. I'm thinking of hiking a nearby mountain next week. Lots of luck!

Oh, btw, currently crushing on Tormund Giantsbane. Tyrion's still at the top of my list, tho.

Bye, nonexistent reader!

Musings on the few char

Future.

For so long I thought my biggest regret in life was letting some crooked-toothed boy get away. Oh boy was I wrong. Now I regret ALL THE TIME I spent poring over his memories and trying to squeeze myself back into his life blah blah blah. I wish I could go back and focus all that energy into something worthwhile. Damn. I wish I had gotten into running a decade ago. I wish I had gotten into climbing a decade ago or earlier. Anyway, no use crying over that now. All I can do is make the most of my remaining youth and runa nd climb, at the same time fight the urge to bear a child JUST BECAUSE most of my closest girl friends are all married/engaged/familied. Ugh. Peer pressure sucks most of the time.

It scares the daylights out of me, but I can't wait to see what the future holds.

(I just came home from a dinner with my high school friends, btw.)

Perpetual singleness

I have yet to meet a peer who does not think of being single as being a failure, or as a stepping stone to finding the proverbial one, or as a phase or training ground for when I get hitched or something to that effect. Or a person who does not think that being childfree is selfish or a failure as well.

Sometimes it sucks to not be understood.

Yes, there is probably something wrong with me, but there is also probably something wrong with everybody else, so I think it is not wrong to assume that "something wrong with me" is not the main reason why I am single. Is it hard to digest that some people are single because they feel happier that way?

I don't believe in forever. I believe friendships, many forms of love, but only a little bit in romantic love.

I choose to be single and childfree. I am open to changing my mind, but that is not my priority. Let's see what happens.

I'm working on a script right now and I'm supposed to submit it in a few, so I'll probably get back to this topic some other time and I do not know when that is. Expect a long rant that's probs a bit illogical, but Idgaf.