I feel like shutting down. I'm stressed with one of my projects at work. I never seem to get it done right. A few weeks ago, I was rebuked (in our group chat) for my glaring mistakes. So I did what I could to make it right, but it was a bit too much, apparently. Looks like I overcompensated because, yesterday, I got reprimanded again. This time, for over-correcting. I hope the next script I do will be better. Just right. Oh well.
I feel like crying these past few days. I'm so inefficient at anything. I have to fight this because my death would cost so much money. How I wish I could just disappear from this world without having to bother anyone. :( The thought of dying and leaving all this stress behind gives me peace. Yes, I want to make my mom proud, but my siblings can do that better and I'm not even bothered. Apart from dying, the outdoors and the possibility of travel gives me peace.
L & I are going camping this week, but I don't think I'm really up for it. I want to see him, but, at this point, I'd rather stay home, disconnected from anything and anyone, and sleep for 14 hours straight. God give me strength.
