I want to get something...

 off my chest. 

I'm one of the most inconsistent, unstable, unreliable persons one could ever meet. In all aspects of my life, that is true. I function in streaks, and I wish it weren't that way. Everyday I wake up overwhelmed. Most hours of the day my brain is tired from worrying, overthinking. I'm surprised I've managed to keep my job this long. Thank goodness for people who pity me, who have no better choice than to hire me, who (maybe) still believe in me. I pity my family/friends, though. I bet they wish they had someone else, someone better, for a daughter/sister/friend. 

Gahd, professional help sure sounds heavenly right now. Heaven I can't afford. Very expensive. I wish I still smoked because a stick of menthol sounds lovely right now. But I don't smoke anymore. Also, it's expensive. 

Dear nonexistent reader, I hope we feel better soon. 

Has it been a year?!

Can't believe it's almost been a year since I last wrote. Every day I plan on writing something here, but I let myself get sidetracked by matters that probably won't matter in five years. Anyway, I'm writing because of a most happy news: I won the lottery for Osaka Marathon 2024! 

& I've confirmed my slot last night. I joined the lottery a day after getting the rejection e-mail from Tokyo Marathon. 

I've also already booked accommodations, and plotted a rough itinerary. Man, I'm going to need around Php 50k++ for this trip. Well, the Universe let me join, & she's gotta give me the resources to make this happen. I've only ever gone out of the country twice, and both times with my family. This will be my first solo trip & race abroad. It won't be the first race I join without any support, but my first self-supported marathon. 

The race is three months from now, & I have adjusted the training plan I used last year for The Bull Runner-Garmin Dream Marathon. Will use the run-walk technique, of course. Will also be watching old Bull Circle videos to refresh my memory. I should write about my first marathon experience!

I'm excited. I want to tell the world, but I feel shy posting it on social media. Maybe I will, I don't know. 

Oh well, 'til next time, non-existent reader. You and I are loved.