My life has undergone A LOT of changes since I last wrote. I am not in L***** anymore. I quit A****, too. I do not live in I********* anymore. I weigh 1** lbs no longer. :)


I let go of a steady life to follow my dreams. I have a new job now as a writer for A**. My dream is to secure a job in S***** M****. Unfortunately, all my applications have not been considered--as I think, because I have never gotten a single call since I started sending applications in February. Oh well, maybe I do not really want to work there. I can't work in a super structured company who dwell on physical appearances and material things alone. Anyway, maybe I'll get considered, one day, someday. 


My current job lets me work at home, at my most convenient time, which is at night. I love my new job. Fine, I miss my former colleagues in L***** and I kind of miss wearing uniforms, but apart from those, wala na. I do not miss A**** AT ALL. Not one bit. Well, maybe except for my batch mates, who I still get to see once in a great while. I miss having loads of money in my pocket, but I do not miss being overworked with stuff that I drag myself every single motherF-ing day to do. As Meryl Streep, as Donna, in Mamma Mia said in a totally different context, "I'm just...glad that whole part of my life is over!"


Going back to work now. I need to finish five more articles before 2:30 a.m.

Life is a strange hodgepodge of a lot of things

God is strange. And he makes use of strange ways to direct our lives, my life at least.

Who would've thought I'd ever get over someone I was deliriously crazy about for almost a decade? Man, WAS he in my system.

I swam through (well, think I drowned in) an ocean of emotions during those years (2002-2010). OCEAN I do not even want to ttalk about now, because there is not enough time to talk about it. How does one start to talk about an ocean of something? I do not wanna be spending so much time on the past. Maybe someday I will be able to revisit whatever was there in that ocean, but not now. I'd like to think I am happy now.

I do not want to fall again into my own solitary trap of feeling comfortable with being pushed aside, being unwanted.

I was stoic at all the SEEMINGLY wrong times and I do not want that anymore.

Bye!

Let bygones be bygones. :)

Hello, nonexistent reader!

How are you? it's been almost a year since I last wrote here. Nothing much has changed, really. I pretty much feel the same, look the same. I have an alternate blog I write in when internet connection's down. It's in my computer. Just a small house of random thoughts. Maybe one day I will post it here as one loooong entry. Maybe I won't.

From my house of random thoughts

I feel like crap.  I always say that I want to go home.  I do not even know where home is anymore.  Do I want to go home to my cramped and stinky dorm?  Do I want to go home in the province where my mom will bombard me with stories of other people’s problems?  I dunno.  Right now, home is where peace is.  On the other hand, Ate Karen’s condo kind of feels like where I want to be right now.  I do not know where to go.  Maybe some place where I can cry without being judged..  I feel like crying right now and I am not exactly sure why. My hair looks bad, I have  a ginormous pimple on my left cheek, I feel bloated, I gained weight, and I want to go home!  Bad hair day.  I want to buy books.  I want to go shopping.  I want to exercise because I read in an internet article that exercise helps the body secrete these hormones which make you feel less sad.  I wanna perspire my sadness out of me. L

I want to go home.  Badly.  I think my eyes hurt. I want to go home!!! 

i feel sick

I feel tired. I feel sad. I get headaches almost everyday that they've become dull pains already.

I can't help crying over petty thoughts most of the time. I feel empty and alone most of the time. For all I know I may be depresed, which cannot be. I cannot be depresed.

Most of the time I feel bored and uninterested, even in work. Sometimes even with my own friends. Worse, with my family. I just want to sleep all day. Sometimes I just want to lie down and think. Sometimes I just want to lurk alone in some place. I want to get away. Maybe I need a vacation.

I want to go to the beach alone. Watch the waves alone. Eat alone. Sun bathe alone. Travel alone. I know I am not going to commit suicide anyway, no matter how sad I might become.

Here is where I want to go right now:

La Luz Beach Resort, batangas. I wish I could go with someone to cut back on expenses but I want to be alone.

before i leave for my medical exam

i'm having my medical exam today. i was supposed to have gotten through it by now but because my bed decided to be extra magnetic today, i was not able to get up early and on time.

anyway. i need my medical exam so the company i applied at will know if i am fit to work. i hope the results turn out good (especially now that i know that i'm negative of any drug trace, haha). i pray that my lungs don't have spots, my urine is clear and uninfected, my blood is normal, and things i'm not really familiar with but i hope they all turn out gooooooooooood.

as a loved one said in a relatively different context, this is 'for our sake' so it has to freaking turn out good.

i'm just finishing my lunch now (a pasta dish that i concocted the day before yesterday) and it damn tastes good. perhaps i should just forget my wild dreams of writing and being published so i can become a world-class chef, eh? nah. i'll continue to be a slave to the pen even if it hates me so much. i'm just happy i can cook a little now.

i am utterly annoyed at myself

so i took time evaluating my stupid blog days ago and i can say i am right a bout one thing--and more. specifically, yes, it IS stupid. more so, pathetic.

this is supposed to help me hone my nonexistent writing skills but as i examined each entry i had posted, turns out that about a third of my whole blog shit is composed of online personality (et. al.) tests results. four-fifths of my entries are written in tagalog and/or taglish. much of what i have written consist of my rants, raves, and sheer helplessness. ..but hey. i'm actually using math. hehe. fake, trying hard math, though. but still, math.

maybe this is a start. i could be a mathematician someday. then i should write more and evaluate what i write more. good, good, good.

here's a list of what i plan on writing about:

• love
• my dad
• my relatives
• my officemates
• my self
• my friends
• my theatre group
• tita naty
• my favorite place in the world
• things that are never forgranted
• my friends' quirky interests
• other people's wild preoccupation with other people's lives
• our good gvernment and its good governance over its people
• heaven
• my religion

ambitious. i hope i can even start writing my day-to-day shit in straight english (my grammar is crooked, i know and i'm a little embarrassed about it but i'm really trying to improve).

good thing pala i got annoyed. annoyance brings pleasant discoveries. ^_^

can't believe it. ows? di nga?

What's Your Dark Side?

My Result: Going Too Far

From swinging to dangerous heights on the jungle gym to buying that pricey sweater in every color, the one thing you can be depended on to do is, well, too much. It may not work out perfectly all the time, but you're the one who will try your hardest to go the farthest, and that's usually what it takes to get ahead. And we love it! After all, nobody ever changed the world by playing it safe.

Sure you take it easy sometimes, since you can't live life on the edge all the time. Still, everyone appreciates your grand gestures and big passions, and they can't wait to see what you're going to do next. Way to keep everyone guessing!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=darksideogt&c=50652

dahil gusto kong may tina-type para di mapagbintangang walang ginagawa

at dahil..

..nako-corny-han akong mag-blog tungkol sa sarili ko

..hindi ako tiwala sa grammar ko

..wala akong ginagawa [sa ngayon] sa office

..frustrated ako sa ilang bagay

..libre ang internet use

..gusto kong kumain kaso malapit na ang lunch break so mamaya na lang

..sa maraming bagay pang nag-bo-bother sa'ken ngayon

hindi pa ko nagtatrabaho officially (as in with the appointment papers & moa, uniform, etc.) but i feel that i'm staring to feel what i hate to admit that i know i will feel SOON. ...I miss being a student.

and i miss my life's non-complexities. i wish i could go back in time when i didn't have to worry about awful things. (sigh)

i feel terribly miserable. it's cold but my miserable little self is craving for vanilla ice cream.

JB's Letter to Celine.(pucha. ang jologs ko ba? naiyak ako nung nabasa ko 'to kase masugid na taga-subaybay ako ng telenovela-ng to. at. hindi ko napanood ang part na ito.)

My Dear Celine,

One day, I will disappear completely. The letters will mean nothing. The world will get tired of me. You will get tired of me. I will get tired of myself, and I...and I will never get tired of you. For you… there will be NO endings. I will say your name over and over like a refrain. My prayer to no one. Then I'll be a flower, the one you'll never pick and will endure the breathless waiting until boundaries disappear.

With nothing to do, I make new constellations images of you as I remember. Dancing, sitting, walking. There are stars from a different view, but still I see nothing but you. Unfurling like a flower, swiveling like a leaf, I once watched you sleep beside me. It was dark then, but the darkness is deeper now. Tonight in my dreams I will see you, my lady, clothed only in light.

Like a kite, I've given myself up to the wind. I made friends with the sun. Confuse the birds with strange and distant voyages, but it is you that ties the thread and holds me down. Like a kite, I will forver hold your hand and with a burning human longing in your hands, I surrender.

Celine reading "I will never get tired of you..."
JB: For you there will be NO endings.
Celine reading "I will say your name over and over…"
JB: celine...celine...like a refrain a prayer to no one.
Celine reading "you know i will never get far and there is no need for my return.
JB: only travelers leave. I've never been a traveler. For I have never left. I am lost, simply wanting to be in a place that i've never been and will never be. Of all destinations I long to be lost in the fields of your hair. Lost among your thoughts as you are already in mine.
Celine reading, "You are my will to live."
JB: My life started when I loved you and that's how I want it to end.

Yours Forever,
JB

i am a ninja

Are You a Pirate or a Ninja?

My Result: Ninja

Hee-yah! Strong, silent, deadly — that's you! You do your best work under cover of darkness. Kicking butt and taking names on the night shift? Staying up 'til dawn killing time on the internet? Cutting off heads and flipping out all the time? Maybe not. But whatever, no matter what, you're always ready for action. You let your actions speak for themselves, and what they're saying is usually pretty killer.

It's easy to picture you hiding in the trees for hours at a time, flying through the air to uppercut the bad guy, or maybe just stealthily replacing the toilet paper when it runs out. You're that kind of awesome. People look up to you — sometimes literally — because you're so cool (by cool, we mean totally sweet) and always the life of the party, especially with those skin-tight pants and deadly dance moves.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=pirateorninjaogt&c=50652

tingan nga natin ang existence ko :)

If you read this journal, even if I don't speak to you often, post a memory of me.

It can be anything you want. It can be good or bad, just so long as it happened. Then post this on your journal.

Be surprised and see what people remember about you. ♥

kinopya ko ke jam :)

akalain mong hedonistic daw ako? bakit hindi. kung wala ka namang natatapakan :)

The Temptation Test

My Result: Hedonist

It has become apparent that the word "no" is not one you use too often. In fact, it seems you just might have replaced it with "sure," "pour it on," and "I'll take it." As a Hedonist, you probably see no reason to put limits on pleasure. When the little angel of your conscience arrives on your shoulder to challenge your indulgent side, it's usually knocked off by that little devil who's never too far away from your decisions.


It seems that extravagance to you is a way of life, not an isolated event. And discipline is a punishment that you choose not to employ — it's overrated anyway. All this good stuff is here for a reason, right? Someone's gotta have fun with it and you only live once!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=temptationogt&c=50652

in-depth conversationalist daw ako. well, :)

How Do You Connect?

My Result: The In-depth Conversationalist

Whether it's 4 in the morning or 4 in the afternoon, you're probably the friend people call when they need someone to talk to. "Lean on me" might as well be your theme song. You're a great confidante and advisor who's especially good at listening to your pals when something's on their mind. Just make sure they're willing to do the same for you!


Marathon phone calls don't tire you out! You've been working on your endurance for years. Whether talking about the major events in your life, spelling out every detail of your last vacation, or giving the all important blow-by-blow of your last date, you've got stories to share with the loved ones in your life! And if that afterthought occurs just after you hang up? No worries. You're not ashamed to call back for a quick update. Sure, your friends might tease you about your flair for drama and attention to detail. But they always know that when they need you, you're just a phone call away.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=connectogt&c=50652

i represent the smiling face emoticon

Which Emoticon Are You?

My Result: Smiling Face

What's up, smiley? Somehow you just always seem to find a way to turn that frown upside down. Your upbeat attitude and friendly demeanor brighten up any room, including your favorite chat room.


Like your classic emoticon counterpart, you're a staple on anyone's list. Boring days and sleepless nights are far more bearable when you're online to chat. Whether you're shooting the breeze, catching up, or giving out advice, you can cheer up anyone on the other side of the conversation. So keep lightening the mood, making new friends, and bringing smiles to other folks' faces. After all, it's just so natural for you!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=emoticonogt&c=50652

haayyy..mahal pa rin talaga ako ni lord :)

bakit ko nasabing mahal ako ni lord? eto:

-nagsurvive ako ng buong week ng halos walang ka-pera-pera.

-may mga pa-dinner pa si father ace halos gabi-gabi so i didn't have to spend

-may nagbigay sa aken ng mga old clothes (yung supervising teacher ko sa ED108). sakto, wala na akong maisuot na matino sa ojt ko.

-nakapag-apply ako ng completion kanina.na=process ko ito sa loob ng 20 mins. bukas ko makukuha ang resulta.

-tinulungan ako ng maraming tao regarding my parish exposure eklavu. pucha, akala ko hindi ako gagraduate dahil dun (marami na rin kasing nasira ang pangarap dahil sa parish exposure na yn e). pero okay na.

yun yung highlights. :-)

thank you, Lord.

Amen.

siya=one of the boys. ako=malandi.

ba't ganon? ang labo. dahil ba hindi ako boyish kumilos? yun pa rin ang ang sentimyento ko sa araw na to. oh well. bukas wala na to. :)

tickle stuff

What Do Your Eyes Reveal?

My Result: Naturally Stunning

Fresh and laid-back, you take the same approach to your makeup as you do to life: Easy does it. We'd guess you're a no-muss, no-fuss kind of gal who doesn't like to spend too much time in front of the mirror. But that doesn't mean you still don't love to look great. You just do it in your own effortless way.


Truth be told, it's your grounded nature and straightforward sensibilities that make you so attractive. When someone looks you in the eyes, they immediately sense your integrity and down-to-earth spirit. And what could be more beautiful than that?

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=eyesrevealogt&c=50652

dahil corny na'ng mag sagot ng pahtetic surveys sa friendster...bwahahaha!!

1. Kelan ka huling nagka-pera?
- lagi akong me pera. konti nga lang. as in konti talaga.

2. Ano ginagawa mo kapag kanin lang ang
meron sa hapag-kainan? ano uulamin mo?
- meron naman siguro kahit anong ulam lang. di naman ako mapili e. wag lang madumi...

3. Kung wala ka nang pera, as in wala
na talaga , san ka pupunta?
- hindi ko alam.

4. na-try mo na bang kumain sa
underground mamihan?
- oo. ok naman sha.

5. nakaka-ilang fishballs ka sa tuhog-
tuhog?
- average: sampu

6. ano ang tokneneng?
- yun yung quail eggs na orange e

7. Nag-aarcade ka ba?
- oo. pag me extra time&money

8 . kung oo, anong nilalaro mo sa
arcade?
- daytona.

9 . Nanonood ka ng porno? umamin ka
na...
- baket? hindi naman nmasamang manuod ng porno e.

10. Epektib pa ba sayo ang kape sa
puyatan?
- naku, mag-uutot lang ako nun.

11. Anong tingin mo kay pooh bear?
- di ko mashadong trip.

12. Matanda ka na ba para manood ng
cartoons?
- no one is too old for anything

13. Naniniwala ka ba na may sumpa ang
pagsuot ng ukay-ukay?
- hinde. pero sana wag naman..

14. Pinapangalanan mo ba ang iyong mga
stuff toys?
- hinde. wala akong stuffed toys. manik lang a unan.

15. Anong kaya mong lutuin?
- fried egg, fried hotdogs, sinigang, adobo, adobong sitaw

16. Naga-gwapuhan ka ba kay willie
reviliame?
- hinde.

17. Anong gusto mo baguhin sa katawan
mo?
- plastic ako kung wala. i'd love a flat stomach

18. Mahilig ka ba maglagay ng asin sa
pinya?
- kung meron, oo.

19. nandidiri ka ba sa pag-kain ng
internal organs ng baboy o chicken?
- kadiri pero masarap e.

20. Pili ka, isa lang: rock, hip hop,
emo, indie, classical, rnb, techno,
jazz, blues, punk, alternative.
-- rock

21. Ano tingin mo sa mga koreano?
-- feeling.

22. Anong nararamdaman mo pag
nakakakita ka ng kulay periwinkle?
-- wala. normal lang.

23 . Napapagalitan ka pa ba ng mga
magulang mo? Pinapalo ka pa?
-- napapagalitan, oo. pinapalo, hinde.

2 4. Kaya mo umakyat ng mount pulag?
- san ba yn?

25. Ano tingin mo sa kursong Fine
Arts?
- well, i think Fine Arts is fine

2 6. Nagsusuot ka ba ng shades sa mga
lugar na may bubong?
- oo. e baket ba.

27 . Feeling mo cool yon?
- hinde. kulay yellow yung shade e, angsarap sa mata.

28. hikain ka ba?
- oo.