i am a ninja

Are You a Pirate or a Ninja?

My Result: Ninja

Hee-yah! Strong, silent, deadly — that's you! You do your best work under cover of darkness. Kicking butt and taking names on the night shift? Staying up 'til dawn killing time on the internet? Cutting off heads and flipping out all the time? Maybe not. But whatever, no matter what, you're always ready for action. You let your actions speak for themselves, and what they're saying is usually pretty killer.

It's easy to picture you hiding in the trees for hours at a time, flying through the air to uppercut the bad guy, or maybe just stealthily replacing the toilet paper when it runs out. You're that kind of awesome. People look up to you — sometimes literally — because you're so cool (by cool, we mean totally sweet) and always the life of the party, especially with those skin-tight pants and deadly dance moves.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=pirateorninjaogt&c=50652

tingan nga natin ang existence ko :)

If you read this journal, even if I don't speak to you often, post a memory of me.

It can be anything you want. It can be good or bad, just so long as it happened. Then post this on your journal.

Be surprised and see what people remember about you. ♥

kinopya ko ke jam :)

akalain mong hedonistic daw ako? bakit hindi. kung wala ka namang natatapakan :)

The Temptation Test

My Result: Hedonist

It has become apparent that the word "no" is not one you use too often. In fact, it seems you just might have replaced it with "sure," "pour it on," and "I'll take it." As a Hedonist, you probably see no reason to put limits on pleasure. When the little angel of your conscience arrives on your shoulder to challenge your indulgent side, it's usually knocked off by that little devil who's never too far away from your decisions.


It seems that extravagance to you is a way of life, not an isolated event. And discipline is a punishment that you choose not to employ — it's overrated anyway. All this good stuff is here for a reason, right? Someone's gotta have fun with it and you only live once!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=temptationogt&c=50652

in-depth conversationalist daw ako. well, :)

How Do You Connect?

My Result: The In-depth Conversationalist

Whether it's 4 in the morning or 4 in the afternoon, you're probably the friend people call when they need someone to talk to. "Lean on me" might as well be your theme song. You're a great confidante and advisor who's especially good at listening to your pals when something's on their mind. Just make sure they're willing to do the same for you!


Marathon phone calls don't tire you out! You've been working on your endurance for years. Whether talking about the major events in your life, spelling out every detail of your last vacation, or giving the all important blow-by-blow of your last date, you've got stories to share with the loved ones in your life! And if that afterthought occurs just after you hang up? No worries. You're not ashamed to call back for a quick update. Sure, your friends might tease you about your flair for drama and attention to detail. But they always know that when they need you, you're just a phone call away.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=connectogt&c=50652

i represent the smiling face emoticon

Which Emoticon Are You?

My Result: Smiling Face

What's up, smiley? Somehow you just always seem to find a way to turn that frown upside down. Your upbeat attitude and friendly demeanor brighten up any room, including your favorite chat room.


Like your classic emoticon counterpart, you're a staple on anyone's list. Boring days and sleepless nights are far more bearable when you're online to chat. Whether you're shooting the breeze, catching up, or giving out advice, you can cheer up anyone on the other side of the conversation. So keep lightening the mood, making new friends, and bringing smiles to other folks' faces. After all, it's just so natural for you!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=emoticonogt&c=50652

haayyy..mahal pa rin talaga ako ni lord :)

bakit ko nasabing mahal ako ni lord? eto:

-nagsurvive ako ng buong week ng halos walang ka-pera-pera.

-may mga pa-dinner pa si father ace halos gabi-gabi so i didn't have to spend

-may nagbigay sa aken ng mga old clothes (yung supervising teacher ko sa ED108). sakto, wala na akong maisuot na matino sa ojt ko.

-nakapag-apply ako ng completion kanina.na=process ko ito sa loob ng 20 mins. bukas ko makukuha ang resulta.

-tinulungan ako ng maraming tao regarding my parish exposure eklavu. pucha, akala ko hindi ako gagraduate dahil dun (marami na rin kasing nasira ang pangarap dahil sa parish exposure na yn e). pero okay na.

yun yung highlights. :-)

thank you, Lord.

Amen.

siya=one of the boys. ako=malandi.

ba't ganon? ang labo. dahil ba hindi ako boyish kumilos? yun pa rin ang ang sentimyento ko sa araw na to. oh well. bukas wala na to. :)

tickle stuff

What Do Your Eyes Reveal?

My Result: Naturally Stunning

Fresh and laid-back, you take the same approach to your makeup as you do to life: Easy does it. We'd guess you're a no-muss, no-fuss kind of gal who doesn't like to spend too much time in front of the mirror. But that doesn't mean you still don't love to look great. You just do it in your own effortless way.


Truth be told, it's your grounded nature and straightforward sensibilities that make you so attractive. When someone looks you in the eyes, they immediately sense your integrity and down-to-earth spirit. And what could be more beautiful than that?

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=eyesrevealogt&c=50652

dahil corny na'ng mag sagot ng pahtetic surveys sa friendster...bwahahaha!!

1. Kelan ka huling nagka-pera?
- lagi akong me pera. konti nga lang. as in konti talaga.

2. Ano ginagawa mo kapag kanin lang ang
meron sa hapag-kainan? ano uulamin mo?
- meron naman siguro kahit anong ulam lang. di naman ako mapili e. wag lang madumi...

3. Kung wala ka nang pera, as in wala
na talaga , san ka pupunta?
- hindi ko alam.

4. na-try mo na bang kumain sa
underground mamihan?
- oo. ok naman sha.

5. nakaka-ilang fishballs ka sa tuhog-
tuhog?
- average: sampu

6. ano ang tokneneng?
- yun yung quail eggs na orange e

7. Nag-aarcade ka ba?
- oo. pag me extra time&money

8 . kung oo, anong nilalaro mo sa
arcade?
- daytona.

9 . Nanonood ka ng porno? umamin ka
na...
- baket? hindi naman nmasamang manuod ng porno e.

10. Epektib pa ba sayo ang kape sa
puyatan?
- naku, mag-uutot lang ako nun.

11. Anong tingin mo kay pooh bear?
- di ko mashadong trip.

12. Matanda ka na ba para manood ng
cartoons?
- no one is too old for anything

13. Naniniwala ka ba na may sumpa ang
pagsuot ng ukay-ukay?
- hinde. pero sana wag naman..

14. Pinapangalanan mo ba ang iyong mga
stuff toys?
- hinde. wala akong stuffed toys. manik lang a unan.

15. Anong kaya mong lutuin?
- fried egg, fried hotdogs, sinigang, adobo, adobong sitaw

16. Naga-gwapuhan ka ba kay willie
reviliame?
- hinde.

17. Anong gusto mo baguhin sa katawan
mo?
- plastic ako kung wala. i'd love a flat stomach

18. Mahilig ka ba maglagay ng asin sa
pinya?
- kung meron, oo.

19. nandidiri ka ba sa pag-kain ng
internal organs ng baboy o chicken?
- kadiri pero masarap e.

20. Pili ka, isa lang: rock, hip hop,
emo, indie, classical, rnb, techno,
jazz, blues, punk, alternative.
-- rock

21. Ano tingin mo sa mga koreano?
-- feeling.

22. Anong nararamdaman mo pag
nakakakita ka ng kulay periwinkle?
-- wala. normal lang.

23 . Napapagalitan ka pa ba ng mga
magulang mo? Pinapalo ka pa?
-- napapagalitan, oo. pinapalo, hinde.

2 4. Kaya mo umakyat ng mount pulag?
- san ba yn?

25. Ano tingin mo sa kursong Fine
Arts?
- well, i think Fine Arts is fine

2 6. Nagsusuot ka ba ng shades sa mga
lugar na may bubong?
- oo. e baket ba.

27 . Feeling mo cool yon?
- hinde. kulay yellow yung shade e, angsarap sa mata.

28. hikain ka ba?
- oo.

Sleepy, but can't sleep. Here is Max Ehrmann's "Desiderata"

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
 
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
 
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
 
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
 
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
 
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
 
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
 
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
 
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ms. Cynthia Luz Rivera, one of my former professors when I was still taking up Literature at the oldest royal and pontifical university in Asia, mentioned this in passing in one of her classes. It stayed with me ever since.  Anyway, I'm watching "Sweet Home Alabama" on ABS-CBN's Sunday Night Specials. I'm bored, I feel like a dusty, sun-lit room no one visits anymore. 

kakagaling ko lang sa spiritual retreat...

...mula feb.6-8, 2008. soon[er or later] , i will be posting pictures. oo. after i get the pix from ron, my new friend from psych.

Our retreat was held in Caleruega, somewhere in Nasugbu, Batangas. Since ever, I thought Nasugbu only had beaches and shores. BUT, NO! Caleruega is a purely heavenly place.

Anyway, i needed, desperately, that spiritual retreat. sobrang stressed ko na sa buhay (eskwela, personal, etc.) and i desperately needed a break. My body's giving away to fatigue. Yung lungs ko muntik nang naging powderized due to excessive chalk-particles inahlation. Wala na rin akong boses ng mga panahong yun (dulot ng pagsasalita, pagsaway etc ng mga chaotic na HS students, for six hours a day, five days a week), puro junk food na lang di-ni-digest ng tyan ko. Moreover, puro pollution na lang ang nalalanghap ko sa Maynila. Ay oo nga pala, anim na taon na pala akong di nakaka-confess. My last good cnfession was when i was still in high school. grabe. todo accumulate na yung mga kasalanan ko. true enough, nung nag-examination of conscience ako, isang papel na back and forth na puno ng sins written in small handwrting ang resulta. When I finallly got to confess, i thought i was going to cry. pero wala. not even a lump in my throat. ewan ko ba. perhaps because the place was so peaceful. yung confession spot ko, angganda ng view. nasa garden kami nung pari, with a view of the mountains. tas sunset pa. Ewan ko ba. After that, i felt refreshed. nabawasan yung mga bitbit kong pinakakatago-tagong stuff, hehe.

I met a lot of people during the retreat. I got to bond with Psych-students. ang kulet nilang lahat, grabe!! Pero. Ang palagay nilang lahat saken e mabait, shy, cute/maganda, tahimik, mahinhin, angelic face, at (eto di ko nakayanan) Mutya ng Pilipinas/Binibining Pilipinas! hahaha! ah, how looks can deceive.

Siguro andami kong natutunan sa retreat na yun tungkol sa sarili ko at sa ibang tao. Andami ding mabuting naidulot nun saken: gumaan ang pakiramdam ko because i didn't get to eat that much junk food kase walang tindahan nearby. bawal magyosi (pero iba ang realidad sa loob ng girls' CR). Walang chalk at chalkboard na kelangang lapitan at sulatan. walang samu't -saring polusyon. hindi kilangang sumigaw o lakasan ang boses.

Puro nature talaga. garden and plants everywhere. At Angganda ng chapel. Its called the Transfiguration Chapel. Dn daw sh-in-oot yung wedding scene ni Kris at Wedell sa sukob. If ever I'm going to get married someday, I'd love it to be solemnized there.

I'll post pictures as soon as i freaking can!

not another jologs entry...?

meron nakameng landline phone at sobrang ayos na internet connection dito sa tinitirahan ko. (yehey!) last week lang 'to nagstart. anggaling. parang gusto kong maiyak every time maisip kong 'di ko na kelangang gumastos ng malaki para mag-iternet sa labas. nakaka-hinayang din kase yung money that i will spend if i rent LALO na kung magmumultiply at friendster lang ako. kaya, yun. dati, madalas aong mamburaot sa office ng internet hours. tuwing lunch break yun, hehe. BUT NOT ANYMORE :D

ngayon ay pwede nakong 'di matulog gabi-gabi bagkus ay mag-surf lang ng net. mag-research, basa, mag-download ng mga ka-jologs-an, mag-blog, mang-stalk, etc. at eto na yung umpisa, haha! ansaya.

matinding araw

ansakit ng lalamunan ko. tas parang makati pa sya. dahil to sa kakasalita sa harap ng isang plethora ng chaotic na estudyante. hay, kung sinong makabasa nito, please pray for me. :-)

i will be ____ this year until after forever's end

well, considerably, maganda naman. ang pasok ng taon ko. there was too much drama to the point of being pathetic.

almost new.,

hi, blog.
i missed posting. for myself.
well, merry christmas!
feels like its been several years...
2007 has been really difficult for me in all aspects: emotionally, financially, mentally, physically, spiritually--name it. luckily for me i've gone through it quite well, apparently.

any[freaking]way.
i received a gift yesterday from my cousin. it was on of the two shirts she bought me. its green, it has a peace sign and the word PEACE on it. I love it so much.

i am hoping for a peaceful, fruitful, prosperous, filled-with-love 2008!

one looong collective blog entry, months delayed

(sometime in May 2007)

I have this indiscreet fantasizing of Lorca hating me because his duende sneaked out one night and slept with me instead of some muse-like human draped in flimsy, luminous skin.

Yeah, right, paula. Let your imagination run riot to their ruins!
-------------------------------------------

May 15, 2007

Im listening to Totoy Bato right now and I am giving away! I mean I’m almost to tears wanting to laugh out loud but can’t. sobrang nakakatawa!! Sigh, I just love Capampangan Folk Songs.
Fine. I’m spilling.
Truth of the matter is...I’m feeling anxious these past few days. I’m so paranoid about my so-so bond with D. I mean, its not that its US or we’re TOGETHER or something—because we aren’t. It’s just that…I feel something is not quite right.
I think I’m starting to develop something for D. Something I can’t afford to freaking develop at this point. I have nothing to brag to the world but I feel rebellious. Next thing I know, I’m pushing and pulling with the devil himself.
I do not want to rebel. Maybe I just want to love, and, nonchalantly, be loved. Does it really have to come with a steep price? Why do I seem to keep messing with the wrong guys?
I think I have to stop seeing D.
Ugh. Just HOW am I going to handle that?
I mean D’s the only person who understands—aside from my girl-friends, of course—me. We hover over the same wavelength. we already enjoyed each other’s company even before this thing came about. We were sort-of-strangers who got along pretty well. I like being friends with him. I mean, I can be me when I’m with him. Super. But when he said he has this thing for me, befell the rise of my cynical self.
Breathe..
Breathe..
Deep breath..
Blink, blink.
WHAT WAS I THINKING when I’d written all that? I couldn’t possibly be in love with D. That would be ridiculously absurd and destructive. If I give in to my pathetic romantic otherself, it means I am cutting myself off AGAIN from my family with the chance of being either somewhat happy, or not happy at all. I can’t afford to do that now. I’m yet too below the line to even be thinking such.

Bahala na. I like our friendship as it is. I hope we’d be friends for a looooooong time.

And that’s about it.

Did I confuse you or something? Not my fault.
----------------------------------------------

DUENDE!!!

Come sleep with me again. I need to write badly. But I can’t. Help me see my world with no height at all. No depth. Just see my world as it is, a foot sole looking back or an toenail looking ahead.
---------------------------------------

Next time I lay my gaze upon this screen, it has already lost its shine, turned gray—some obscure 30’s cartoon gone mad—never silver without you—just some plain translucent cloth hung on a wall left to rot.
My next Breakfast in bed will never be as beautiful as you made my fist one seem.

It makes me quiver to think that next time I enter this gate, I will not be holding your hand. Not that I have held it the last time. Not that I have held your hand, ever.
...in my mind I have held it tight forever.
---------------------------------------

May 21, 2007
I feel so sleepy. I want to go home and sleep. I feel narcoleptic. Am I? I cant be but I can possibly be. Yeah, whatever.

I am bored.
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
----------------------------------------

June 21, 2007

Duende!

I finally was able to find a pipe yesterday. Somewhere in Recto. Its small, and cheap. But it works. I tried it last night with my weed. Ah…weed. Its all I got now. All I can depend on. Temporary escape from everything. Sigh. Cant wait to smoke. Sigh.
------------------------------------------

June 28, 2007

Ok. So. Fine. I miss him bugging me all the time. And I hate it. I’ll smoke it all out later. Sigh.

-------------------------------------------


July 18, 2007

I am so down with something I do not want to be down with. So, so down. So freaking down.

Why and how do other couples last for years? I mean, even a couple of months is too much for me. Or maybe I haven’t been in love enough. Have I ever loved anyone at all? Ever?
…lagi kasing may sabit sa’kin e. its not that I expect my next real, true, tangible, long-term relationship to be hassle-free. But Of All hassles, why this? Why with my family? Hu-way? Or maybe I’m weak. Maybe I do not want to fight for someone I love because it would not be easy. Maybe I think this other person’s going to leave me a week or a month after getting into my pants. Maybe I’m too fucking selfish. Too mundanely selfish. Everything for myself. And I am starting to hate me.

Paula, much as I do not want to think you do not have a backbone, I think you do not have a backbone.

ANYWAY.

Ok. So its going to be his birthday next month. I do not know what to give him.
Perhaps I could:
- make a thousand paper cranes, box them and give them to him with a letter saying I would rather have him as my soul mate than anyone else in this world.
- Bring him cake with a lighted candle, in the middle of the night, wherever he may be.
- Act stalker-ish and stand outside his house and then text him to look out his window. He would see me then waving at him, holding a cake with a lighted candle.
- Voice-record messages for him, saying everything I have always wanted to tell him but for some reasons could not.
- Cook something for him.
- Throw him a party with all his friends invited. (ya, like I have the means to do that.)
- Tell him I love him.
- Invite him for a sleep over (Wednesday night) at my place, watch movies, have some wine, smoke, and ….. (nyahahahahahaha!)
- Text him a message and not say anything about wanting to see him that day.
- Not make myself exist that day, enough to make him hate me forever—which I do not think I could handle. The mere thought of it makes me cringe.
----------------------------------------

July 24, 2007

Pag ba nagmahal ka ng isang tao mahal mo siya palagi? Do you feel love for this person each time you hear his name or see his face? Do you have to love him all the time for you to say you love him? Isn’t “loving him” most of the time enough to say you love him? Does the feeling have to exist every single second?
But what if it doesn’t? I think I love this person but I do not feel the same all the time. So what the hell could that possibly mean? Am I just using him? I like it when he’s around. He makes me happy—most of the time. But there are times I do not want to see his face or hear his voice or read his messages because I feel guilty of not feeling the same at that moment.
There are times I want him around because of…ktrs. Shameful, but true. Specially when I’m all hungry and smoked-out. Yes, every time I am smoked out.
HIGH AND SMOKED-OUT.
--------------------------------------
July 25, 2007

I am only a night short of being officially MANHID (more so, APATHETIC). Yes. And for the first time in many years, I do not feel bad about it. AT ALL.

sheer

mindoro was FUN. really. i got pictures here:

marami pang pix kaso tinatamad akong mag-upload.

and i don't think i'm in the mood right now to write and upload.

i'm currently confused and losing hope.

my mom's resigned from her work as a cashier at her friend's school's canteen. i do not have anyone to support me financially anymore. i am torn between graduating as a working student and quitting SAP and finding a job to support me and my family. i feel responsible for my family's needs. had i finished on time, i should be working now. i do not know what to do, my words are plain, flavorless, do not have color.

i could not even think of anything to write anymore.

plainly put,

i do not know what to do.

i am going to mindoro on June 1!!

and i can't wait.

can't wait.

can't wait.

i want so badly to smoke. i got my own pack, my own lighter..all i need is a place to fucking smoke.

i can't wait to graduate, get a decent job, several rakets and lots of money so i'll be able to buy and maintain a car (or cars), build and maintain a home for my family, rent or buy and maintain my own place, get a pet or pets, and..the gods might want to sprinkle my life with romance too..

i'm so corny.

bye, creature of the deep!

i feel anxious about anything.

i feel paranoid about everything.

i feel hated by everybody.

i feel utterly useless and lazy.

i feel unwanted.

i feel i'm not taken seriously.

i feel i'm exaggerating things.

i feel fat (fine).

i feel like smoking again--after i quit a few days ago.

i feel like there's always something wrong with me.

i feel like crying after work.

i feel like...plain shit.