First of February

I've been reading posts and comments by people on the Internet that January seemed to never end this year. For me, it went by fast! Too fast, tbh. I had loads to do and I was only able to do around half. As a matter of fact, I should be cramming a two scripts right now. 

This February, I plan to start something new. An activity a day, just for this month because I don't want to overwhelm myself. Will start tonight, with a 15-minute workout. Tomorrow, I go for an easy run. The next day, I will be running 32 kms at the 7-11 Run in Manila. Goodness, I need to finish that in five hours or less. All I want to do now is hope, not assume, because you know what happens when I presuppose things. :-|

I want to talk about my upcoming marathon, which is in a few weeks, but I don't want to get too excited because I really am getting stressed out with all these IO horror stories I read on the Internet. Maybe some other time. For now, I will do my best to finish this script I'm working on ASAP. 

Dear nonexistent reader, love is all around. 

It hasn't been raining in Manila...

 ...at hindi ako nilalamig. 

Currently listening to Lola Amour's "Raining in Manila." 

There was a time, long ago, when I stopped listening to any kind of music because every tune reminds me of a boy I used to love (so I thought). I can't believe I let my idea of him take over my life for quite a while. Ugh. Cringe. CRINGE!!!! I sometimes wish I could eternal sunshine that part of my past, but it wouldn't make sense either way. 

Okay, back to work now. It's going to be a long day tomorrow. 

New year, new favorite poem (so far)

 

The line etched into a headstone, between the dates of birth and death

represents each step we take on earth, and every single breath.

For many, it’s just a hyphen, marking time between the years,

but in that little dash is a lifetime of laughter, love and tears.

We each create the legacy our dash will someday represent,

and decide if the life we’re given is truly lived…or merely spent.

Some deem themselves successful if they can spend in large amounts,

but how you spend your only dash is all that really counts.

Time steals our days and hours before we recognize the theft

and we live each day not knowing how much of our dash is left.

Responsibilities of daily life -- the bills, the job, the cash

affect the way we choose to use this important little dash.

Memories in the making are happening now, and happening here.

So take the time to make the time, before they disappear.

This is it. This is the show, with no time to rehearse.

Minutes move only forward -- never, ever in reverse.

So, don’t spend this time in sorrow, or with bitterness and fear.

The future may be uncertain,

but right now, your dash is here.

"The Dash" by Linda Ellis

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Happy 2024, nonexistent reader. The dash is the love you give and receive. 

I want to get something...

 off my chest. 

I'm one of the most inconsistent, unstable, unreliable persons one could ever meet. In all aspects of my life, that is true. I function in streaks, and I wish it weren't that way. Everyday I wake up overwhelmed. Most hours of the day my brain is tired from worrying, overthinking. I'm surprised I've managed to keep my job this long. Thank goodness for people who pity me, who have no better choice than to hire me, who (maybe) still believe in me. I pity my family/friends, though. I bet they wish they had someone else, someone better, for a daughter/sister/friend. 

Gahd, professional help sure sounds heavenly right now. Heaven I can't afford. Very expensive. I wish I still smoked because a stick of menthol sounds lovely right now. But I don't smoke anymore. Also, it's expensive. 

Dear nonexistent reader, I hope we feel better soon. 

Has it been a year?!

Can't believe it's almost been a year since I last wrote. Every day I plan on writing something here, but I let myself get sidetracked by matters that probably won't matter in five years. Anyway, I'm writing because of a most happy news: I won the lottery for Osaka Marathon 2024! 

& I've confirmed my slot last night. I joined the lottery a day after getting the rejection e-mail from Tokyo Marathon. 

I've also already booked accommodations, and plotted a rough itinerary. Man, I'm going to need around Php 50k++ for this trip. Well, the Universe let me join, & she's gotta give me the resources to make this happen. I've only ever gone out of the country twice, and both times with my family. This will be my first solo trip & race abroad. It won't be the first race I join without any support, but my first self-supported marathon. 

The race is three months from now, & I have adjusted the training plan I used last year for The Bull Runner-Garmin Dream Marathon. Will use the run-walk technique, of course. Will also be watching old Bull Circle videos to refresh my memory. I should write about my first marathon experience!

I'm excited. I want to tell the world, but I feel shy posting it on social media. Maybe I will, I don't know. 

Oh well, 'til next time, non-existent reader. You and I are loved. 

Wishful Thinking

I love them, but I can't help but feel tired of all the responsibilities. I wish I have the freedom to take time off so I can heal from all my traumas, maybe live in isolation for a while, maybe find my mind. 

Happy 14 years of breadwinning, biatch. Don't give up.

Makes me wonder

I wonder who else feels this way. Like something's always wrong; something untoward is always about to happen. There is a slight tightness in my chest and I am overwhelmed by all the things I have to do and I end up doing nothing--the peak of this happened to me more than 10 years ago amd I have been stuck ever since.