Work

I should be working right now because I have a deadline to beat. Oh, deadlineS to beat. Good luck, bitch.

Each drag fills me with a familiar kind of guilt I have known all these years

A faimliar kind of good

Meanwhile

His voice brings me somewhere I wanna get carried away to

A state I didn’t think I’d ever want to go back into

Something I thought I won’t ever want to go through

A jigsaw without pieces to put together

But us two

Ghosts of a funny puzzle even a fool would not laugh at

Almost nonexistent save for a punch in the chest I want to fill with

Anything but you.

But you are the only one here and I do not want to make a choice

Again

Still wondering after all these years

I see posts & photos of my Facebook friends (yes, only on FB) and they're all so happy and I'm glad they're happy, but I feel kind of bad for myself. What do I do to have that kind of glimmer in my eye? *sigh* I hope I find it, stumble upon it. I want to be happy. This feeling makes me want to climb a mountain...or drown myself in alcohol (nah, health hazard). I'll get through this. Right, nonexistent reader? I give it a few days.

I go to the hills when my heart is lonely

When I was in first year college, I wanted to join the UST Mountaineering Society, but my mom and aunt&uncle (who were financing my schooling) were against it. They said it was not safe, I wouldn;t get anything out of it, I might fall of  a cliff, get killed by civilians, etc.  I cried about it for an extended period, as expected, and each time I passed by the group’s supposed “tambayan,” I would hopelessly wish I could join. I wrote that wish in one of the blank pages in my mind, folded it neatly and tucked it somewhere between the crevices of my heart.

In September 2013, 11 years later, I officially climbed my very first mountain and fell madly in love with the experience. Though I was not able to go to the summit (my friends were hungover from the night’s drinking sesh) and it was rainy and I was suffering from colds, I can honestly say I had a blast in Mt. Daguldol. I hope to go back one day and conquer the peak. 

The lonely page I tucked away unfolded before my eyes and I vowed to climb more mountains after that. Sadly, my resources would not allow. However, I was able to climb three mountains in 2014. I will continue writing some other time. I gotta get back to work. 

BTW, I had my first ever day hike last Sunday, March 22, in Mt. Arayat, Pampanga. At the time, I thought I'd never go back because I had a difficult time, but when I got home that night, thinking about my climb, I changed my mind. I am going back to Mt. Arayat. It's crazy how I learned a lot of things during that dayhike. When/how to let go/hold on, and not to make decisions when tired, among many others. I'll write next time. Maybe even post pictures for you, my nonexistent reader! You keep me going! 

It only sucks that I did not push myself to do this earlier. By this, I mean climbing mountains.

First pic, view fromthe North Peak.

Second pic, me hugging a boulder somewhere after Haring Bato, which we missed

Third, my favorite photo, South Peak, before going down. 

In the last two is my friend, Noi, who hiked with me that day. Thank the Universe for him!

Jog

In preparation for my upcoming mountain climbs this year, I have started jogging. Yesterday. With my dog Octavio in tow. I started with 20 minutes per day. Tomorrow I hope to increase it to 30, and then run up and down our stairs at home for another 30 minutes. I am excited. I cannot wait. 

Why this sudden jogging/stairs blah? I attended this Basic Mountaineering Course over the weekend and it inspired me a lot to get fit and climb mountains. When I'm in the mood, I'll write about it here. It was very fulfilling & inspiring. I also met new friends!

I am set to climb Mt. Natib on March 28-29, Mt. Tarak sometime after that, and Mt. Pulag (Akiki-Ambangeg trail) in June. I also hope to be able to join my new friends in Mt. Apo in November, but I need to buy a plane ticket first to secure my spot. Oh well, Mt. Apo is just there, I can climb it another time. 

Now back to work. 

30

I am turning 30 in five days. I would love to travel, but I can't afford it. 

It has been so long since I last read a YA book (I've been reading F. Scott Fitzgerald of late). I'm now reading Cecelia Ahern's "Love, Rosie" (yes because of the film) and it only reminds me of the most stupid mistake I have ever committed in my life. Letting _ _ go (yes, after all these years). 

Right now I feel like there is a void in my chest and I want it gone.