February 10, 2014
0500a
A
lot of things have happened since I last wrote here. Very eye opening &...I
have no other words for it. I am utterly
amazed at God’s wisdom & him letting me make a complete fool out of myself
just to make me see His damn point. (Fine. I’m spilling SOME beans. I spent
part of the night at **’s room. Very wholesome, mind you. I brought happy
brownies & we got stoned. I thought it was going to be a blast. It was fun,
but not a blast. Actually it was only borderline fun. He chose to sleep it off. I
watched this Thai film then I listened to music on my phone. I was really tired
& sleepy & so high, but I fought the force to lay down beside him—since
there was no other place to lie down on—because I did not go there to sleep. I
went there as a friend who just wants to have some stoned fun with another
friend. Agh. I missed having a friend in him. I hope to see him again. AS A
FRIEND. You know what, seeing him is helping me let him go & move on. Everytime
I see him, I realize there are a lot of things more important than pining for
his so-called love. I realized that no matter what the hell
happened to us in the past, I don't deserve to be treated like dirt. I am not a
slut. I am not a consolation prize. I am not a go-to girl--if you know what I mean. Maybe it has
something to do with my "declaration of feelings" last December. Hay.
HUGE load off my back.)
