11A
I have resolved to stay alone and be platonically &
divinely in love with everyone around me instead of screwing some poor person’s
life just because I want to have a taste of romantic love for an unspecified
period of time. I know I will run away sooner or later, and that would not be
good. I used to think that me feeling this way is ABNORMAL until I came to
accept it. Embrace who I am. I would rather focus on GIVING
THE KIND OF LOVE I AM GOOD AT instead of trying very hard & getting
stressed out in trying to fit into the mold of being a good girlfriend or wife.
I do believe I can be a good mother someday, if that is part of God’s plan for
me. I would like to have a son. I will nickname him Jared (after the
ever-beautiful Jared Leto!!!) maybe his long name would be Javier (insert name
starting with R). The boy will take my surname as I resolve to be a single mom. J Ja would be fine enough a
nickname. Jared is hard to pronounce. Agh.
Meanwhile, it’s the 22nd and I have not even
looked at my DDT (Damn Dictionary Thing) huhuhu. I'm supposed to submit it in a week. Good luck. Sana
ma-release na yung TF ko sa 20Plus. HAAAAAYYY. I really need to find another
means to make moolah. Gotta pay the bills & my one last loan @ BDO.
Nakuuuuu I wonder how much I still have to pay given my delinquent payment
history.
Going back to romantic love, I believe in it, I think it is
nice & cool, but I don’t give a fuck’s ass if I don’t have it now. I gotta
focus on getting my shit together first before focusing on that.
Oh, by the way, I spent yesterday baking happy brownies. First, I
decarboxylized what remained of the W by baking it at 250-260F for 20-30
minutes until it was brown and crisp. I crumbled it with my fingers until
most of it was loose & powdery. Then I cooked it on on the stove, on low, with 1 stick +
a little more (next time I should cook it with 1.25 sticks if I wanna yield a
stick in the end) of butter for about three hours. After cooking, I strained it very well
with a piece of cloth, then proceeded to make two batches of brownies, which
I cut into 1.2 square inch pieces. J I took one
last night, around 9, then wonders started to kick in at around 10. I was shitfaced
by 11pm (YES because my eyes were abnormally bloodshot!), watched The Great
Gatsby (it was so good to watch it under the influence—I could feel every
twitch in Leo’s face tugging at some nerve in my heart, making my eyes well up)
on my phone, then I willed myself to sleep—BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER SLEEP IT OFF
THAN RISK my mom seeing me shitfaced. I woke up at 5am. GOD. The last time I
was that high was in 2007 or 2008 during
my D-days. Goodness. Ngayon I know half a brownie is enough for a fine
buzz.
1130a
I wanna climb a mountain. That wall near the Sandugo store
would be enough. I just wanna climb something!!!!!!!
1133a
I choose not to dwell on the bad things unless I wanna get
into a bad mood. Back to work. I’m 11 stories behind.
