before i leave for my medical exam

i'm having my medical exam today. i was supposed to have gotten through it by now but because my bed decided to be extra magnetic today, i was not able to get up early and on time.

anyway. i need my medical exam so the company i applied at will know if i am fit to work. i hope the results turn out good (especially now that i know that i'm negative of any drug trace, haha). i pray that my lungs don't have spots, my urine is clear and uninfected, my blood is normal, and things i'm not really familiar with but i hope they all turn out gooooooooooood.

as a loved one said in a relatively different context, this is 'for our sake' so it has to freaking turn out good.

i'm just finishing my lunch now (a pasta dish that i concocted the day before yesterday) and it damn tastes good. perhaps i should just forget my wild dreams of writing and being published so i can become a world-class chef, eh? nah. i'll continue to be a slave to the pen even if it hates me so much. i'm just happy i can cook a little now.

i am utterly annoyed at myself

so i took time evaluating my stupid blog days ago and i can say i am right a bout one thing--and more. specifically, yes, it IS stupid. more so, pathetic.

this is supposed to help me hone my nonexistent writing skills but as i examined each entry i had posted, turns out that about a third of my whole blog shit is composed of online personality (et. al.) tests results. four-fifths of my entries are written in tagalog and/or taglish. much of what i have written consist of my rants, raves, and sheer helplessness. ..but hey. i'm actually using math. hehe. fake, trying hard math, though. but still, math.

maybe this is a start. i could be a mathematician someday. then i should write more and evaluate what i write more. good, good, good.

here's a list of what i plan on writing about:

• love
• my dad
• my relatives
• my officemates
• my self
• my friends
• my theatre group
• tita naty
• my favorite place in the world
• things that are never forgranted
• my friends' quirky interests
• other people's wild preoccupation with other people's lives
• our good gvernment and its good governance over its people
• heaven
• my religion

ambitious. i hope i can even start writing my day-to-day shit in straight english (my grammar is crooked, i know and i'm a little embarrassed about it but i'm really trying to improve).

good thing pala i got annoyed. annoyance brings pleasant discoveries. ^_^

can't believe it. ows? di nga?

What's Your Dark Side?

My Result: Going Too Far

From swinging to dangerous heights on the jungle gym to buying that pricey sweater in every color, the one thing you can be depended on to do is, well, too much. It may not work out perfectly all the time, but you're the one who will try your hardest to go the farthest, and that's usually what it takes to get ahead. And we love it! After all, nobody ever changed the world by playing it safe.

Sure you take it easy sometimes, since you can't live life on the edge all the time. Still, everyone appreciates your grand gestures and big passions, and they can't wait to see what you're going to do next. Way to keep everyone guessing!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=darksideogt&c=50652

dahil gusto kong may tina-type para di mapagbintangang walang ginagawa

at dahil..

..nako-corny-han akong mag-blog tungkol sa sarili ko

..hindi ako tiwala sa grammar ko

..wala akong ginagawa [sa ngayon] sa office

..frustrated ako sa ilang bagay

..libre ang internet use

..gusto kong kumain kaso malapit na ang lunch break so mamaya na lang

..sa maraming bagay pang nag-bo-bother sa'ken ngayon

hindi pa ko nagtatrabaho officially (as in with the appointment papers & moa, uniform, etc.) but i feel that i'm staring to feel what i hate to admit that i know i will feel SOON. ...I miss being a student.

and i miss my life's non-complexities. i wish i could go back in time when i didn't have to worry about awful things. (sigh)

i feel terribly miserable. it's cold but my miserable little self is craving for vanilla ice cream.

JB's Letter to Celine.(pucha. ang jologs ko ba? naiyak ako nung nabasa ko 'to kase masugid na taga-subaybay ako ng telenovela-ng to. at. hindi ko napanood ang part na ito.)

My Dear Celine,

One day, I will disappear completely. The letters will mean nothing. The world will get tired of me. You will get tired of me. I will get tired of myself, and I...and I will never get tired of you. For you… there will be NO endings. I will say your name over and over like a refrain. My prayer to no one. Then I'll be a flower, the one you'll never pick and will endure the breathless waiting until boundaries disappear.

With nothing to do, I make new constellations images of you as I remember. Dancing, sitting, walking. There are stars from a different view, but still I see nothing but you. Unfurling like a flower, swiveling like a leaf, I once watched you sleep beside me. It was dark then, but the darkness is deeper now. Tonight in my dreams I will see you, my lady, clothed only in light.

Like a kite, I've given myself up to the wind. I made friends with the sun. Confuse the birds with strange and distant voyages, but it is you that ties the thread and holds me down. Like a kite, I will forver hold your hand and with a burning human longing in your hands, I surrender.

Celine reading "I will never get tired of you..."
JB: For you there will be NO endings.
Celine reading "I will say your name over and over…"
JB: celine...celine...like a refrain a prayer to no one.
Celine reading "you know i will never get far and there is no need for my return.
JB: only travelers leave. I've never been a traveler. For I have never left. I am lost, simply wanting to be in a place that i've never been and will never be. Of all destinations I long to be lost in the fields of your hair. Lost among your thoughts as you are already in mine.
Celine reading, "You are my will to live."
JB: My life started when I loved you and that's how I want it to end.

Yours Forever,
JB

i am a ninja

Are You a Pirate or a Ninja?

My Result: Ninja

Hee-yah! Strong, silent, deadly — that's you! You do your best work under cover of darkness. Kicking butt and taking names on the night shift? Staying up 'til dawn killing time on the internet? Cutting off heads and flipping out all the time? Maybe not. But whatever, no matter what, you're always ready for action. You let your actions speak for themselves, and what they're saying is usually pretty killer.

It's easy to picture you hiding in the trees for hours at a time, flying through the air to uppercut the bad guy, or maybe just stealthily replacing the toilet paper when it runs out. You're that kind of awesome. People look up to you — sometimes literally — because you're so cool (by cool, we mean totally sweet) and always the life of the party, especially with those skin-tight pants and deadly dance moves.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=pirateorninjaogt&c=50652

tingan nga natin ang existence ko :)

If you read this journal, even if I don't speak to you often, post a memory of me.

It can be anything you want. It can be good or bad, just so long as it happened. Then post this on your journal.

Be surprised and see what people remember about you. ♥

kinopya ko ke jam :)

akalain mong hedonistic daw ako? bakit hindi. kung wala ka namang natatapakan :)

The Temptation Test

My Result: Hedonist

It has become apparent that the word "no" is not one you use too often. In fact, it seems you just might have replaced it with "sure," "pour it on," and "I'll take it." As a Hedonist, you probably see no reason to put limits on pleasure. When the little angel of your conscience arrives on your shoulder to challenge your indulgent side, it's usually knocked off by that little devil who's never too far away from your decisions.


It seems that extravagance to you is a way of life, not an isolated event. And discipline is a punishment that you choose not to employ — it's overrated anyway. All this good stuff is here for a reason, right? Someone's gotta have fun with it and you only live once!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=temptationogt&c=50652

in-depth conversationalist daw ako. well, :)

How Do You Connect?

My Result: The In-depth Conversationalist

Whether it's 4 in the morning or 4 in the afternoon, you're probably the friend people call when they need someone to talk to. "Lean on me" might as well be your theme song. You're a great confidante and advisor who's especially good at listening to your pals when something's on their mind. Just make sure they're willing to do the same for you!


Marathon phone calls don't tire you out! You've been working on your endurance for years. Whether talking about the major events in your life, spelling out every detail of your last vacation, or giving the all important blow-by-blow of your last date, you've got stories to share with the loved ones in your life! And if that afterthought occurs just after you hang up? No worries. You're not ashamed to call back for a quick update. Sure, your friends might tease you about your flair for drama and attention to detail. But they always know that when they need you, you're just a phone call away.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=connectogt&c=50652

i represent the smiling face emoticon

Which Emoticon Are You?

My Result: Smiling Face

What's up, smiley? Somehow you just always seem to find a way to turn that frown upside down. Your upbeat attitude and friendly demeanor brighten up any room, including your favorite chat room.


Like your classic emoticon counterpart, you're a staple on anyone's list. Boring days and sleepless nights are far more bearable when you're online to chat. Whether you're shooting the breeze, catching up, or giving out advice, you can cheer up anyone on the other side of the conversation. So keep lightening the mood, making new friends, and bringing smiles to other folks' faces. After all, it's just so natural for you!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=emoticonogt&c=50652

haayyy..mahal pa rin talaga ako ni lord :)

bakit ko nasabing mahal ako ni lord? eto:

-nagsurvive ako ng buong week ng halos walang ka-pera-pera.

-may mga pa-dinner pa si father ace halos gabi-gabi so i didn't have to spend

-may nagbigay sa aken ng mga old clothes (yung supervising teacher ko sa ED108). sakto, wala na akong maisuot na matino sa ojt ko.

-nakapag-apply ako ng completion kanina.na=process ko ito sa loob ng 20 mins. bukas ko makukuha ang resulta.

-tinulungan ako ng maraming tao regarding my parish exposure eklavu. pucha, akala ko hindi ako gagraduate dahil dun (marami na rin kasing nasira ang pangarap dahil sa parish exposure na yn e). pero okay na.

yun yung highlights. :-)

thank you, Lord.

Amen.

siya=one of the boys. ako=malandi.

ba't ganon? ang labo. dahil ba hindi ako boyish kumilos? yun pa rin ang ang sentimyento ko sa araw na to. oh well. bukas wala na to. :)

tickle stuff

What Do Your Eyes Reveal?

My Result: Naturally Stunning

Fresh and laid-back, you take the same approach to your makeup as you do to life: Easy does it. We'd guess you're a no-muss, no-fuss kind of gal who doesn't like to spend too much time in front of the mirror. But that doesn't mean you still don't love to look great. You just do it in your own effortless way.


Truth be told, it's your grounded nature and straightforward sensibilities that make you so attractive. When someone looks you in the eyes, they immediately sense your integrity and down-to-earth spirit. And what could be more beautiful than that?

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=eyesrevealogt&c=50652

dahil corny na'ng mag sagot ng pahtetic surveys sa friendster...bwahahaha!!

1. Kelan ka huling nagka-pera?
- lagi akong me pera. konti nga lang. as in konti talaga.

2. Ano ginagawa mo kapag kanin lang ang
meron sa hapag-kainan? ano uulamin mo?
- meron naman siguro kahit anong ulam lang. di naman ako mapili e. wag lang madumi...

3. Kung wala ka nang pera, as in wala
na talaga , san ka pupunta?
- hindi ko alam.

4. na-try mo na bang kumain sa
underground mamihan?
- oo. ok naman sha.

5. nakaka-ilang fishballs ka sa tuhog-
tuhog?
- average: sampu

6. ano ang tokneneng?
- yun yung quail eggs na orange e

7. Nag-aarcade ka ba?
- oo. pag me extra time&money

8 . kung oo, anong nilalaro mo sa
arcade?
- daytona.

9 . Nanonood ka ng porno? umamin ka
na...
- baket? hindi naman nmasamang manuod ng porno e.

10. Epektib pa ba sayo ang kape sa
puyatan?
- naku, mag-uutot lang ako nun.

11. Anong tingin mo kay pooh bear?
- di ko mashadong trip.

12. Matanda ka na ba para manood ng
cartoons?
- no one is too old for anything

13. Naniniwala ka ba na may sumpa ang
pagsuot ng ukay-ukay?
- hinde. pero sana wag naman..

14. Pinapangalanan mo ba ang iyong mga
stuff toys?
- hinde. wala akong stuffed toys. manik lang a unan.

15. Anong kaya mong lutuin?
- fried egg, fried hotdogs, sinigang, adobo, adobong sitaw

16. Naga-gwapuhan ka ba kay willie
reviliame?
- hinde.

17. Anong gusto mo baguhin sa katawan
mo?
- plastic ako kung wala. i'd love a flat stomach

18. Mahilig ka ba maglagay ng asin sa
pinya?
- kung meron, oo.

19. nandidiri ka ba sa pag-kain ng
internal organs ng baboy o chicken?
- kadiri pero masarap e.

20. Pili ka, isa lang: rock, hip hop,
emo, indie, classical, rnb, techno,
jazz, blues, punk, alternative.
-- rock

21. Ano tingin mo sa mga koreano?
-- feeling.

22. Anong nararamdaman mo pag
nakakakita ka ng kulay periwinkle?
-- wala. normal lang.

23 . Napapagalitan ka pa ba ng mga
magulang mo? Pinapalo ka pa?
-- napapagalitan, oo. pinapalo, hinde.

2 4. Kaya mo umakyat ng mount pulag?
- san ba yn?

25. Ano tingin mo sa kursong Fine
Arts?
- well, i think Fine Arts is fine

2 6. Nagsusuot ka ba ng shades sa mga
lugar na may bubong?
- oo. e baket ba.

27 . Feeling mo cool yon?
- hinde. kulay yellow yung shade e, angsarap sa mata.

28. hikain ka ba?
- oo.

Sleepy, but can't sleep. Here is Max Ehrmann's "Desiderata"

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
 
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
 
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
 
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
 
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
 
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
 
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
 
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
 
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ms. Cynthia Luz Rivera, one of my former professors when I was still taking up Literature at the oldest royal and pontifical university in Asia, mentioned this in passing in one of her classes. It stayed with me ever since.  Anyway, I'm watching "Sweet Home Alabama" on ABS-CBN's Sunday Night Specials. I'm bored, I feel like a dusty, sun-lit room no one visits anymore. 

kakagaling ko lang sa spiritual retreat...

...mula feb.6-8, 2008. soon[er or later] , i will be posting pictures. oo. after i get the pix from ron, my new friend from psych.

Our retreat was held in Caleruega, somewhere in Nasugbu, Batangas. Since ever, I thought Nasugbu only had beaches and shores. BUT, NO! Caleruega is a purely heavenly place.

Anyway, i needed, desperately, that spiritual retreat. sobrang stressed ko na sa buhay (eskwela, personal, etc.) and i desperately needed a break. My body's giving away to fatigue. Yung lungs ko muntik nang naging powderized due to excessive chalk-particles inahlation. Wala na rin akong boses ng mga panahong yun (dulot ng pagsasalita, pagsaway etc ng mga chaotic na HS students, for six hours a day, five days a week), puro junk food na lang di-ni-digest ng tyan ko. Moreover, puro pollution na lang ang nalalanghap ko sa Maynila. Ay oo nga pala, anim na taon na pala akong di nakaka-confess. My last good cnfession was when i was still in high school. grabe. todo accumulate na yung mga kasalanan ko. true enough, nung nag-examination of conscience ako, isang papel na back and forth na puno ng sins written in small handwrting ang resulta. When I finallly got to confess, i thought i was going to cry. pero wala. not even a lump in my throat. ewan ko ba. perhaps because the place was so peaceful. yung confession spot ko, angganda ng view. nasa garden kami nung pari, with a view of the mountains. tas sunset pa. Ewan ko ba. After that, i felt refreshed. nabawasan yung mga bitbit kong pinakakatago-tagong stuff, hehe.

I met a lot of people during the retreat. I got to bond with Psych-students. ang kulet nilang lahat, grabe!! Pero. Ang palagay nilang lahat saken e mabait, shy, cute/maganda, tahimik, mahinhin, angelic face, at (eto di ko nakayanan) Mutya ng Pilipinas/Binibining Pilipinas! hahaha! ah, how looks can deceive.

Siguro andami kong natutunan sa retreat na yun tungkol sa sarili ko at sa ibang tao. Andami ding mabuting naidulot nun saken: gumaan ang pakiramdam ko because i didn't get to eat that much junk food kase walang tindahan nearby. bawal magyosi (pero iba ang realidad sa loob ng girls' CR). Walang chalk at chalkboard na kelangang lapitan at sulatan. walang samu't -saring polusyon. hindi kilangang sumigaw o lakasan ang boses.

Puro nature talaga. garden and plants everywhere. At Angganda ng chapel. Its called the Transfiguration Chapel. Dn daw sh-in-oot yung wedding scene ni Kris at Wedell sa sukob. If ever I'm going to get married someday, I'd love it to be solemnized there.

I'll post pictures as soon as i freaking can!

not another jologs entry...?

meron nakameng landline phone at sobrang ayos na internet connection dito sa tinitirahan ko. (yehey!) last week lang 'to nagstart. anggaling. parang gusto kong maiyak every time maisip kong 'di ko na kelangang gumastos ng malaki para mag-iternet sa labas. nakaka-hinayang din kase yung money that i will spend if i rent LALO na kung magmumultiply at friendster lang ako. kaya, yun. dati, madalas aong mamburaot sa office ng internet hours. tuwing lunch break yun, hehe. BUT NOT ANYMORE :D

ngayon ay pwede nakong 'di matulog gabi-gabi bagkus ay mag-surf lang ng net. mag-research, basa, mag-download ng mga ka-jologs-an, mag-blog, mang-stalk, etc. at eto na yung umpisa, haha! ansaya.

matinding araw

ansakit ng lalamunan ko. tas parang makati pa sya. dahil to sa kakasalita sa harap ng isang plethora ng chaotic na estudyante. hay, kung sinong makabasa nito, please pray for me. :-)

i will be ____ this year until after forever's end

well, considerably, maganda naman. ang pasok ng taon ko. there was too much drama to the point of being pathetic.